


give me a day and i'll give you a purpose

by i_write_hurt_not_comfort



Category: Diabolik Lovers
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Attempted Suicide, Don't Like Don't Read, Gay Male Character, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Suicide, It's an AU, M/M, Smoking, once again i emphasise that this is an AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-09
Updated: 2020-03-09
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:46:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,950
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23083432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/i_write_hurt_not_comfort/pseuds/i_write_hurt_not_comfort
Summary: And so, this would be his end; committing suicide by jumping off the roof of his school. He didn’t know what’d it be like from halfway down, but that didn’t stop him.His foot dangled hesitantly over the edge, another gust of wind almost knocking him off balance. Involuntarily, his grip on the railings tightenedonce again. With shaky legs, he learnt forward, just a tiny bit to-“Hey~”
Relationships: Mukami Kou/Sakamaki Subaru
Comments: 9
Kudos: 28





	give me a day and i'll give you a purpose

**Author's Note:**

> hey so i haven't written for dl in years now, but this fic is something i wrote about 2 years ago and something about it stuck with me, and i wanted to share it with people. i'm slowly speaking to people again, and i've decided that i want to write more some time. at the moment this is a oneshot, and the ending is sort of ambiguous, but if people really like this i'll write more maybe.  
> this fic is 100% AU!! like, nothing relates to canon. i am taking the characters and putting them in a different universe and setting and context. they're human, and kou is gay. they are both gay. if you do not want to read characters from the series in an AU with different sexual orientations, then don't read this. that's fine by me. if you do choose to read it, and consequently dislike it because i made them gay, then that's on you.  
> trigger warnings to pay attention to: attempted suicide, swearing, crying, smoking, mentions of abuse.  
> i have tried to be as respectful as possible when writing this - it's not the first time i've written something along these lines. once again, if anyone above upsets you, or you don't want to read it, then don't read this. it's as simple as that. 
> 
> other than that, enjoy :)

_Jump._

_You're worthless._

_Just jump!_

The wind blew through his hair, as he dragged a hand through his fringe before letting it fall over his eye again. Tentatively, he took another step forward, the tip of his foot now brushing over the edge. The only thing which prevented him from jumping right now was the metal railings, surrounding the rooftop.

It would be so easy to end it all right now.

Trembling hands clasping the bars, he drew in a shaky breath, glancing over the edge. The drop made him feel sick to his stomach, but it was okay.

He'd be dead in a minute.

Ducking, he maneuvered himself underneath the bars, swinging his body under them before ascending on the other side of the rails. The drop was even closer now; within reach.

He swallowed thickly, screwing his eyes shut and loosening his hold very slightly. There was no reason for him to be alive anymore.

Would anyone even care? He didn't know who his father was, and his mother was the reason for his suffering in the first place. Friends? Ha, as if. No one would want to be friends with someone like _him_.

Someone so unwanted, and filthy. Just altogether _worthless_.

And so, this would be his end; committing suicide by jumping off the roof of his school. He didn’t know what’d it be like from halfway down, but that didn’t stop him.

His foot dangled hesitantly over the edge, another gust of wind almost knocking him off balance. Involuntarily, his grip on the railings tightened once again. With shaky legs, he learnt forward, just a tiny bit to-

“Hey~”

He froze instantly; he was dead certain he'd checked he was alone before coming up here.

“Whatcha doin’?”

Shakily, he inhaled, sucking up the courage to turn around and identify the source of the voice.

Sure enough, someone was there.

He didn't know who he was, but from the bright pink jacket flung over his black shirt and accompanying skinny jeans with slightly heeled boots, he could tell this guy was probably one of the popular kids – the _last_ person he'd want to be seen by in this condition.

But, and as much as he'd hate to admit it, he had to confess: this intruder had a goddamn pretty face. His blonde hair was loosely tugged away from his face, his one visible eye a deep, mesmerising blue.

“Who’re you?” he scoffed, averting his gaze to the ground. Eye contact wasn't exactly his forte, especially not right now. “And why aren't you in class?”

“I could be asking you the same thing,” the blonde chuckled, taking another step forwards. “What're you doin’ up here then?”

“Tch, that's none of your business. You already know,” he retorted, trying to sound angry. However, the war of emotions wavering in his mind made that difficult, his voice cracking before his tone shifted to being much softer; almost weak. “Just… fuck off and leave me be…”

“Hm, sorry~” the blonde grinned, clearly unfazed by the fact the person before him was extremely close to ending their own life. “No can do, I'm afraid.”

He gritted his teeth in frustration. Was this guy for real? “Why the fuck not?! Just leave me alone… where I belong…”

“I don't want you to be alone,” the other shrugged, proceeding to where he stood.

“Come any closer and I'll jump,” he threatened, glaring at the blonde. What was his deal?! “You think your own personal preferences will be enough to convince me _not_ to kill myself? You think you'll be able to give me a reason to be alive just because _you_ want me to be? Tch, bullshit.”

 _There you go, you've gone and done it now,_ he mentally smacked himself, _now this guy knows you're fucked up in the head. You're worthless. Don't burden him by being attention seeking and-_

“I don't want you to die, because you are just my type~” the blonde chimed, “My name is Kou. Kou Mukami. You are…?”

“Are you fucking kidding me? You're _gay_?” he deadpanned, “Stop flirting with me and just… let me kill myself already.”

“Hey, touchy!” Kou winced. “But yup, I am. 100% gay. Got a problem with that? Because I've already had enough homophobia as it is, and I'd rather not get any from the guy I'm currently saving the life of.”

“Huh?! No, I’m… ugh, never mind,” the other stuttered in response, frustrated as he felt his face warm up slightly. “What makes you think you'll be able to give me a purpose?”

“One day,” Kou answered, somewhat sincerely. He pulled up his forefinger, resting the same elbow on his hip and tilting his head to the side. “Give me one day to prove to you why you should stay alive.”

“Oh yeah? And why should I? Can't you see already it's pointless?”

“Maybe,” Kou took another step towards him, folding his arms over his chest. “But I refuse to let you die on me. You're too gorgeous for that. And… death doesn’t suit you too good.”

“And you think hitting on me is gonna work?” he scoffed. “Save it… there's no way it'll ever get better… so just stop confusing me, and…”

When his words faded off at the end, Kou shook his head, letting out a deliberately audible sigh as the other glanced down temptingly at the drop once again. “Do you really want to end your life that badly?”

Wordlessly, the other nodded, his emotions beginning to reach their limit inside of him, as tears which he'd absolutely refuse to let fall welled up in his eyes.

“Then why haven't you already?” Kou asked, “If you hate yourself so badly, why are you still here talking to me?”

That was the last straw, before he finally cracked. Tears brimmed in his eyes, pouring down his face in an endless stream. He sniffed, a strained sob escaping his throat.

He was so pathetic, he couldn't even bring himself to kill himself. Why? Because of this pretentious blonde arsehole promising to give him a purpose.

As if that would happen.

“Come here,” Kou sighed.

Cautiously, the other ducked once again, clambering underneath the bars and landing on shaky feet. His steps were unsteady, as he walked away from the edge of the rooftop.

Without a word, Kou approached the other, wrapping his arms around his neck and engulfing him in a tight hug. The other had simply lost the willpower to resist at this point, his hands snaking around the Kou's waist as he buried his face into his shoulder.

And then he cried. He cried until he couldn't anymore.

God, he was so _pathetic._

“Hey, what's your name?” Kou whispered, running his fingers through his hair. “You never told me.”

The other hesitated for a moment, pulling away abruptly and focusing on the floor.

Quietly, he replied, “Subaru… just, Subaru…”

“Well, _Subaru,_ ” Kou chuckled, “What are you doing tonight?”

“Nothing…” Subaru answered hesitantly.

“Good~” Kou sang, “You know the park just down from here?”

Subaru nodded briefly in response, sticking his hands in his pockets as if he were avoiding the world.

“Yaya~ Meet me there at 7 tonight,” Kou winked, turning on his heel. “Oh, and don't kill yourself until then, yeah?”

“If you think… you're stopping me from suicide forever, you're wrong,” Subaru snapped. “I'm… still doing it tomorrow…”

“That's fine~” Kou clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth. “I'm sure you won't want to by tomorrow.”

“I doubt it…” Subaru muttered.

“Well, we'll see, won't we?” Kou chimed. “See you tonight, _Subaru~_ ”

* * *

_Tch, that bastard… making a huge fuss about being here and then not showing up…_

Subaru furrowed his eyebrows in frustration, checking the time on his phone again. Sure enough, it was already 5 minutes past 7pm.

Why did he even show up in the first place?

Oh, that’s right. He had nothing better to do. Whatever that stupid blonde prick had in mind, it was better than spending a night with his mother, in that broken home.

With another irritable sigh, Subaru tapped his front pocket lightly, the small, rectangular box still there from after school. More aggressively than he’d care to admit, he shoved his hand inside the pocket, retrieving the brand-new pack of cigarettes and ripping them open.

Smoking wasn’t necessarily something he’d say he was proud of. It was something he’d picked up about a year ago, and hadn’t intended to get addicted to. But, when you’re getting through several cigarettes a day just to calm down and burn away the stress, it’s difficult _not_ to become dependent. His mother would kill him if she ever found out, leaving him with no opportunity to get his fix other than when he was out. 

Swiftly, he pulled one of the slender sticks out from the pack, slipping it between his teeth and searching his pockets for a lighter. A second later, he found it, flicking on the flame and holding it up to the end of the cigarette, lighting up.

He inhaled deeply, and it was only then when the nicotine sunk in that he realised how badly he’d needed a smoke. He hadn’t had a cigarette since yesterday evening when he finished the pack – if he recalled correctly. What would’ve been the point?

He was _supposed_ to be dead right now.

But no, because a pretentious blonde asshole had waltzed into his life earlier today.

Angrily dragging on the cigarette again, he leaned back against the fence to the park, pulling the hood of his jet-black jacket over his head and facing the floor as two girls from his year group strutted past. Thankfully, they ignored him; he didn’t like – no, scrap that – he _hated_ being seen by his classmates outside of school. Or in school. Or at all, really.

“Hey, Subaru~”

_Great. Fucking brilliant._

Subaru groaned internally, but instead of showing his irritation, he simply glanced up, as if he _didn’t_ know who was there.

And sure enough, Kou was standing right in front of him, leaving a gap of less than a metre in between them.

“You’re late,” Subaru pointed out grumpily, sucking on the cigarette filter again.

“Yep~” Kou chimed. “Sorry about that.” His gaze then flitted upwards towards the cigarette, gesturing to it with one hand. “Gimme a hit?”

A tentative glint prominent in his eyes, Subaru extended the hand holding the cigarette out towards the blonde, who took it instantly and held it well away from his mouth.

“And the rest of the pack?”

 _Now you’re taking the piss…_ Subaru thought to himself irritably, but despite all his inchoate instincts yelling at him _not_ to, he still did exactly as Kou had instructed, handing over the near-full, only-just-opened packet of cigarettes without a moment of hesitation.

“Thank you~” Kou said teasingly, before dropping the cigarette onto the ground, snuffing it out with the heel of his shoe, and launching the pack into a nearby cluster of bushes.

_Un-fucking-believable._

“Hey! What the fuck was that for?!” Subaru yelped defensively, waving a hand around with no objective whatsoever as if it would somehow help his case.

“As I said earlier,” Kou spun around pointedly, directing his attention back towards the path he came from. “Death doesn’t suit you too good.”

“Tch, whatever,” Subaru scoffed, shoving both hands into the pockets of his hoodie. “Where are we going?”

“Hm, that depends. Where d’you wanna go?”

“I don’t _care_.”

“Alright, alright, jeez,” Kou snickered. “No need to get moody with me. I’m about to give you your life’s purpose, remember?”

Subaru had to bite his tongue not to audibly snort in derision.

_Good luck with that. You’ll need it._

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading!  
> comments are welcome, as always! if you have constructive criticism then im all ears but please do give me examples of where I've gone wrong. if you're going to leave hate, though, don't even bother - i'll just laugh at you, and then delete your comment :)  
> if anyone wants a part 2, please do let me know! :3


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